Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 22:42 What do you think of the Christ?
Matthew 21:30  And he came to the second, and said likewise
Matthew 22:45  If David then call him Lord,
Matthew 15:13 Every plant, which my heavenly Father
Matthew 16:8 Oh you of little faith, why reason
Matthew 17:21 But this kind goes not out except
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear [you, then]
Matthew 21:35 And the husbandmen took his servants, and beat one...
Matthew 21:36 Again, he sent other servants more than the first:
Matthew 23:6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts,
Matthew 15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders
Matthew 16:9 Do you not yet understand, nor remember
Matthew 17:22 The Son of man shall be betrayed
Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
Matthew 21:37 But last of all he sent unto them his son,...
Matthew 23:4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne,
Matthew 21:38  But when the husbandmen saw the son,
Matthew 23:7 And greetings in the markets,
Matthew 15:16 Are you also yet without understanding?
Matthew 16:11 How is it that you do not understand that I spoke [it] not to you concerning bread,
Matthew 17:25 What do you think, Simon?
Matthew 18:18 ...Whatsoever you shall bind on earth
Matthew 21:42 Did you never read in the scriptures...
Matthew 15:8 This people draweth nigh unto me
Matthew 21:39  And they caught him, and cast him
Matthew 23:10 Neither are you called masters:
Matthew 15:17 Do you not yet understand,
Matthew 16:13 Whom do men say that I
Matthew 17:26 Then are the children free.
Matthew 21:43 Therefore I tell you, The kingdom of God
Matthew 23:8 But do not let yourself be called Rabbi:
Matthew 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth
Matthew 16:17 Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: f
Matthew 17:27 Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them,
Matthew 21:44 And whoever falls on this stone shall be broken:
Matthew 23:9 And call no man your father upon the earth:
Matthew 22:7  But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth:
Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts,
Matthew 16:18 ...That thou art Peter,
Matthew 20:8 So when even was come, the lord of the vineyard...
Matthew 22:8 Then he said to his servants, The wedding is ready,
Matthew 23:11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
Matthew 16:15 But whom say ye that I am?
Matthew 22:9 Go therefore into the highways,
Non-Jesus Verse: Matthew 24:3 The Apostle's Question
Matthew 15:20 These are [the things] which defile a man:
Matthew 16:19 And I will give to you the keys of the kingdom...
Matthew 18:4 Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child,
Matthew 20:11 And when they had received [it],
Matthew 22:11 And when the king came in to see the guests,
Matthew 23:12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased;
Matthew 17:12 ...Elias is come already,
Matthew 22:10 So those servants went out into the highways,
Matthew 15:24 I am not sent but unto the lost sheep
Matthew 16:25 For whoever will save his life shall lose it:
Matthew 20:13 But he answered one of them, and said, Friend,
Matthew 22:13 Then the king said to the servants,
Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
Matthew 22:12 And he said to him, Friend, how
Matthew 14:18 Bring them here to me.